From afar
by person6
Summary: It's about Ryou and Malik (yami malik, marik, ishtar, whatever you call him) They love each other yet they don't realize it yet, it's about how they muse about each other. yaoi between RyouMalik and slight BakuraMarik. Some mentions of suicide.
1. Default Chapter

Hey people, it's me again and I just started a new fanfic! Yay! If you liked my previous one then please read this one! This one is about Ryou and Malik (who will be Yami Malik, Marik, Ishtar, whatever you call him.) Marik will be the hikari in this one. It will contain yaoi between Ryou/Malik and slight between Bakura (Yami Bakura)/Marik (the hikari). Also mentions of suicide and depression. On with the fic, enjoy! ^_^  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh.  
  
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Beautiful. You look so beautiful. Truly an angel. A beautiful angel, but then again who's heard of an ugly angel? But you are beautiful. An angel among demons. You really are. Or is that just a description of a hikari? Well not mine. My hikari's just as dark as I am. But then how is he my light? Okay, now I'm just getting distracted! Getting back to you.as I was saying your beautiful. That ever present smile, those gentle eyes and pale, pale as porcelain face. That little ivory hued face radiates your purity, your innocence, your happiness. You are beautiful Ryou Bakura. Watashi Tenshi. I wistfully think to myself, but then chuckle at the thought. Like you'll ever be my angel. You both turn to me.  
  
"What's so funny Malik?" I shake my head and dismiss the thoughts. "Nothing." My hikari and my tenshi turn back and continue to talk. I mentally sigh and wish you were mine, but your not. I look back at my book and gaze at the passage I was reading.  
  
"To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow, Creeps in this petty pace fro day to day To the last syllable of recorded time And all our yesterdays have lighted fools. The way to dusty death, out, out brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player That struts and frets his hour upon the stage And then is heard no more: it is a tale Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury Signifying nothing."  
  
Ha! If life could only be that simple. If only suffering was that little. If only Macbeth had seen our lives then he wouldn't complain. But it doesn't matter, he died. At least he had the sense to die in action. If only that could of happened to me, if only I too could die. I almost yearn to feel pain rip through my body and be left lifeless. To close my eyes and never open them again. After all that's what death is, isn't it? Eternal sleep, that's what I want. The sound of laughter makes me look up. I see you laughing, that beautiful laughter. Laughter that reminds me of wind chimes. Wow where did that come from? Wind chimes?! But returning to death. Well do I really want to death? I mean death would mean that I could no longer see you. So I guess I really don't want death. Death seems out of my reach anyways. The closest thing to death would be me being sent to shadow realm, but even then I would still be alive, and that's not what I want. As much as I like the shadow realm, spending an eternity there isn't quite favorable. Spending forever in oblivion can get quite boring after awhile.  
  
"I should go now Marik." I see your slim body slowly rise. My hikari gets up too and nods. I look up from my book and get up as well. "Oh but Ryou, it's raining." Large fat drops of rain splatter onto the cement pavement. "You can stay until the rain stops." I say quietly and I feel your inquisitive eyes face me. "No it's okay; I live close by so I should be fine, but thank you for the offer." We both nod and you wave good bye before running, your snow white hair fluttering behind you as you run, covering your head. I see the sky light up as lightning streaks across the darkened sky, lighting it briefly. Soon the rumble and clash of thunder follows, making a deafening growl.  
  
"Hope he doesn't get fried by lightening." I roll my eyes at my hikari's dry comment. "You know the chances of getting hit by lightening are very slim Marik." I close the door and block out the growl of thunder. "Expect the unexpected." I shrug and return to my book, my mind still on your flying form. **************************************************************************** **************** Okay well, that's chapter one so far! How do you like it? Please review; I welcome any kind or reviews with open arms, even flames. As you could probably tell this one was in Malik's POV, although the next one is in Ryou's. I will update when I can, but until then please read and review!!! Thank you and Ja ne! ^_^ 


	2. Like Family?

Okay, well on to the second chapter now! Thank you for the review Saturn Imp and I do think that your works are quite funny. Also, thank you evil cheese for your review as well. Oh and for those who liked this fanfic, please read my other one, it's called My Tenshi, My Hikari, My Ryou. Obviously it's about Ryou and also Bakura. But anyways on with the chapter! This one is in Ryou's POV. Oh also warning of yaoi between Ryou/Malik (yami Malik) and mentions of suicide. Enjoy ^_^! *************************************************************** ************************************  
  
I got home only damp from the rain. It's a good thing I lived close by or else I would have gotten soaked. I shake my head and let my jacket hang on a chair so it can dry. It's quiet again, which I detest. Bakura was off in Egypt with Yami and Isis so they could find out about their past, mainly for Yami's benefit. Bakura was really anxious about leaving me alone again. He knows I hate being alone, which is why I've been spending so much time at the Ishtar's house. Of course Bakura calls every so soften to check on me. I'm actually enjoying the quiet to an extent. I mean ever since Bakura there has been lots of nose. I mean lots of it. So the silence is actually quiet and peaceful, but only to an extent. Being alone for too long reminds me of before Bakura came and when I was alone. Both Okassan and Amane had died and Otoussan was away at work, something that hasn't changed. I shudder at the thought; those were really unpleasant times for me. I go to the bathroom to take a nice soak and as I let the bath fill I have another unpleasant memory. The last time I filled the tub was to end my life. I finger my scar absentmindedly as I feel the steam gather up and brush against my face. Like I said, those were very unpleasant times for me. As I slide my body in the warmth, I feel myself relax. See? This is what happens when I'm alone for too long. I start to let my mind drift to my unpleasant past, which in turn makes me depressed, which in turns makes me act unreasonable. Ugh! I have to think about pleasant thoughts. Okay, pleasant thoughts, pleasant thoughts.I let my mind drift over to your dusky lavender eyes, that tanned skin, and the disheveled blonde hair. You seem so dusky overall; every aspect of you is coated in that dusky motif. You're always so reserved and quiet, every time I come over I see you reading, in your own little world. I always expected you to be crazy, insane, sadistic, and so on, but your not. You're the exact opposite; it's as if you don't let other's see this reserved side of you. Are you like yami? Do you put on a mask in front of other's like him and act unlike yourself? You truly make me wonder about your nature, you're even harder to read then Bakura and that says a lot, at least to me it does. Maybe I'm just a dunce and don't know how to analyze people. Anyways, your always so dreamy and never really seem to be paying attention to me, or anything else but your thoughts, but sometimes I see our dusky orbs studying me. What do you see? I don't mind you staring, it let's me know you acknowledge my presence. Hmmm.maybe I should stop bothering you guys. Is that why you stare? Am I bothering you? Maybe I should just stay home for awhile, and let them enjoy their peace. After all being alone shouldn't be that hard for me right? I've been alone for half my life, what's one more day or two? I slip out of the tub and feel goose bumps raise as the air chills me. I quietly pad down the stairs and fix myself a dinner, when the phone breaks the impending silence in my rather large house.  
  
"Moshi-moshi?"  
  
"Hey kid."  
  
Oh it must be Bakura, no question about it.  
  
"Hi Bakura."  
  
I sit on the couch getting comfortable knowing it's going to take some time before I hang up and go back to my small and lonely dinner.  
  
"How you doin'?"  
  
I fidget a bit. I'm glad he's too faraway to sense my emotions and thoughts. I don't want him to know I had flashbacks today. It gets him worried and would just fly back home regardless to what I say.  
  
"Fine, I go bother Malik and Marik in the morning."  
  
"Good, I still don't like you being alone."  
  
"I know."  
  
I softly say, because I don't either. I know he really means that he doesn't trust me to be alone either, because I had chosen when I was alone to try to commit suicide. I sometimes still don't trust myself either, especially when I eye the kitchen knife or my father's razor in the bathroom. It gets me nervous yet in some ways I always have a tiny voice inside my head that always urges me to grab in and drag it across my wrist once more. It frightens me even more when I find myself holding the knife or razor in my hand poised to cut.  
  
"How's Egypt?"  
  
I purposely divert the conversation to my yami, not wanting the spotlight on me.  
  
"Not bad, Yami's a royal pain, but luckily for me Isis is here to shut him up."  
  
I laugh. Bakura still considered Yami to be his greatest rival, yet these days they seemed to be more friendly rivals then in the past.  
  
"How are Malik and Marik?"  
  
"Fine, Marik said to call or he refused to warm your bed when you got back."  
  
I hear the all too familiar snicker over the phone.  
  
"Yeah, I'll call him tonight."  
  
"When do you get back?"  
  
I slip out in a wistful voice. He may be loud, but he takes good care of me and offers me companionship, he's like a big brother to me. I miss him and it's already been a month. I hear him sigh and I know the answer is not what I want to hear.  
  
"I dunno kid. I'm sorry, but I think it'll be awhile. We still have some places we have to go to and I don't know how long it'll take. We'll be back by the end of next month, but I can get a plane ride back earlier and leave Yami with Isis if you want."  
  
Now I feel guilty I asked he was willing to give up what he had been looking forward to for months all for me. I could take a month, but still a month did seem like a long time to me. Plus I didn't want to annoy the Ishtar's for too long. I had spent about a month there daily already.  
  
"It's okay, I'm fine just asking."  
  
I say with forced happiness. I don't want to ruin what was a lifetime experience for my yami.  
  
"Are you sure? I could fly in about next week if you want me to Ryou it's no big deal."  
  
"No, you stay there. I'm fine I promise."  
  
I force confidence in my words to make them more convincing.  
  
"Well, okay, if you say so. I'll call again soon, and until then don't do anything stupid, okay kid?"  
  
I know he puts it lightly but I can sense seriousness in his words. I can tell he's slightly afraid to leave me alone for another month. I will my mind to think about happy thoughts and put on a cheerful voice.  
  
"Okay Bakura, I promise. Call Marik."  
  
"I will kid, bye."  
  
"Bye."  
  
I hear a click and I put the receiver down. I mull over the conversation for awhile thinking of what he said. Yes, defiantly he should stay there, I'll be fine. Father's been away for much longer and I have other friends now. Yeah like Marik and Malik. Well I think Malik's my friend. He' hard to read, but Marik assured me I was like part of the family. Well I sure hope so. *************************************************************** *************************************** Well, that was chapter two. How did you like it? Please review and like I said, I accept all reviews with open arms. Please read my other works I just posted the other day. Well once more, please read and review. Thank you and Ja ne ^_^! 


	3. Voices in my head?

Hey everyone, thank you all so much for the lovely reviews! I really appreciate all the positive feedback. I know it's been awhile, but I had to update my other fic, sorry. Also, now that school will start up again soon, it'll probably take longer for me to update. I know, but again Gomen! I'll do my best to update as soon as possible. Anyways, on to the next chapter, once more this will be in our beloved Ryou's POV.  
  
Warnings: Yaoi between Malik/Ryou, and very slight between Bakura/Marik. Remember Malik is the yami and Marik is the hikari. *************************************************************** *************************************** The next morning when I woke up, I lay in bed and stared up at the plain white ceiling. Should I go to the Ishtar's today? I mean I have been going everyday for a month and maybe their tired of me being there all the time. Maybe I should stay home and do.nothing. I'll find something to do. As I was running a brush through my tangled locks I smile sadly at my reflection. Except for the hair length difference, I look exactly like mom. She had the same sad eyes and the silvery hair. She was pale too, but she was beautiful. I was just plain with my looks. Just everything wasn't right on my face, it was just all plain. (A/N I don't mean it!!!) Not mom, she was beautiful. When I was a little boy, I used to think she was an angel. It made me so proud, because I had an angel for a mother. Except when she died, I realized she couldn't be an angel, because you see angels don't die. I twirl a lock of hair in my fingers and stare hard at my reflection. I think I look too much like mom. Yes, too much. You see I think that's why father hates to be home, why he never looks me in the eye, why he always seems to tear up when he looks at me. I wonder if father reminisces about Amane, like the way I reminisce about mother when he looks in the mirror. I mean Amane always did look exactly like father, the same bluish hair and the brown eyes. Well I think everybody has brown eye in the Bakura family. I'm beginning to think it's a curse. But anyways, it doesn't matter; I doubt he looks in the mirror anymore. I know I barely do, I mean the only mirror in this house is in the bathroom. I've learned to hate mirrors with a passion. Just one peek sends me into a million flashbacks and memories. All too painful memories that reminds of what I no longer have. I remember when Bakura first noticed we didn't have any mirrors in this house. He thought it was strange to have only one mirror even though he didn't ask, I think he figured it out. It's not that really hard, all you have to do is take a peak at our family portrait and see how much we all look like one parent. Even though I hate mirrors, it seems that pictures hold a different meaning. I have so many pictures all over the house; everywhere you go you can see pictures of the good times. Good times when we were all together and happy. I sigh and walk back to my room, thinking of the better times I had. I'm too deep into my past that I don't hear the phone ring for awhile. Of course a good smack from walking into the wall cured that. Rubbing my poor forehead I ran to get the phone before the machine did.  
  
"Moshi-moshi?"  
  
"Ryou?  
  
I feel my eyes widen as I hear the all too familiar soft yet confident voice. It can't be, you of all people? I realize that I've been silent for awhile now and your still on the phone.  
  
"Malik?"  
  
"Ummm.hi?"  
  
"Oh um gomen, I didn't expect you to call."  
  
I feel incredibly lame and very very stupid. Or as Bakura likes to put it, "You just redefined the meaning of baka, Ryou"  
  
"Well, um.Bakura called last night. Wanted to make sure you were coming, that's all."  
  
"Oh, I thought I might not come over today."  
  
"Why? Is something wrong?"  
  
The sudden concern in your voice catch's me off guard. I feel myself smile despite the fact you can't see me. Then scowl at myself for thinking too much of it. He probably only thinks of you as his friend, if even. Well you can always hope right? The little optimistic voice calls out in my head. Oh shut up. Oh kami! I'm having a conversation with myself! Wait, Malik's still on the other line! Maybe I should answer now. I can imagine you looking at the phone weird waiting for me to answer it.  
  
"No, it's just that, I've spent so much time at your house, I though maybe you would want some time to your self."  
  
I hear a pause, was I right then? Was I spending too much time at your house?  
  
"You don't bother us Ryou. What made you think that?"  
  
The little voices in my head.  
  
"How about I come over then? Hn? Marik's kinda busy anyways and I haven't been able to know you that well, so how about we spend some time together? How about I come over and bother you today?"  
  
I have to laugh at this. At least he has good humor.  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Good, I'll see you soon then. Ja."  
  
"Ja."  
  
I hang up and jump up in ecstasy. Malik of all peo-er spirits, wants to know me better! I can't get rid of the smile on my face as it threatens to split my face. And here I though he never paid any attention to me! Ha told you so you little pessimistic voice in my head I talk to! See you were wrong! Hahahahahaha! Okay maybe I should calm down a bit, I mean I'm laughing at an imaginary voice in my head. Hm.isn't talking to your self the first signs of insanity? Well, insanity is anger put to good use I guess. Okay, maybe I really should calm down now. I mean he's just coming over, it's not like he likes me more then a friend. Don't you dare start in there again! I yell silently at my thoughts. I let my mind wander over the living room. Soon it rests on the grand baby piano, my mother's most prized possession. Yeah, music is said to calm the beast, or in this case random voices in my head. I sit on the overly polished bench and let my hands rest on the shiny white and black keys. Now, what's a soothing song I can play? Oh, I know! How about Pachabel's cannon in D? Yeah, I like that song. At the first chord of the song, I feel my soul become lulled by the gentle music. I feel myself being spirited away as the calming effects of the song take a hold of my body. I can almost feel my mother's presence next to me, smiling down at me as she too hums along with her favorite tune. *************************************************************** *************************************** So that's the end of the chapter yay! No, Ryou is not insane, he's just having a conversation with well, I guess you could call it his good side and bad side really. It's not really important, just some comic relief. Anyways, the next chapter will be in Malik's POV, so please read and review! Until the next chapter, Ja ne ^_^! 


	4. Music from the fallen

Hey people, I know it's been a really long time, and I'm so sorry! Please forgive me, but I was working on my other fic's like the sign of the seer. So anyways, this fic will be in Malik's POV and as a recap he was going to visit Ryou. Well here he comes and on with the fic!  
  
Hay-chan, Anime fan: Thanks! As for getting to know each other better? Nothing yet, but it will happen in the future!  
  
Woodelf193: Thanks!  
  
CopyCat4: Sorry about the delay in the update!  
  
Aurora of the Moon: Thanks!  
  
Autumns dusk: I did continue!  
  
Darkgarden13: Don't worry I won't ditch this story! I like it too much, and yeah there needs to be more Malik/Ryou pairings out there.  
  
BakaNeko-chan: Thanks! Good to know you like my work!  
  
Warnings: Yaoi between Ryou and Malik with hints of Bakura and Marik. (Remember Malik is the yami and Marik is the hikari)  
  
Starts off with Malik's POV and will switch to around a bit. *************************************************************** *************************************** I look up at the cloudless sky. It's odd to think that just yesterday it was flashing lightening and roaring thunder. It's amazing to see how nature can change moods so easily. I liked it better when it was flashing with lightening and thunder, it's more exciting then the boring clear day with fluffy clouds drifting lazily about. Shifting my gaze away from the sky above me I concentrate on getting to your house.  
  
I wonder what made you think you were bothering us. I mean my hikari definatly enjoys your company and I can't say I don't, even if I don't really talk to you. It's just your mere presence that's comforting. With a sigh I let my hand run through my hair and I blink as I find myself in front of your door already. With a slight hesitation I knock softly on the door hoping that I'm not interrupting anything. After waiting a bit it's quite obvious that you're not coming out so I knock harder but still no answer. I try opening the door to find it open. I can't help but smile at your obliviousness to such things.  
  
Stepping inside I hope I'm not interrupting anything. I hear the faintest tunes of a sweet melody and automatically think that you left the radio on. Stepping inside to the living room I can't help but blink. It's you! Sitting on the polished seat of the piano as your milky fingers dart over the ivory gleaming keys, silvery head bent and eyes half laden. Such beauty, such tranquility! I can feel my breath temporarily stop at the sight of you. The graceful curve of your back is traced by the sun spilling out from the window and I can see those full lips of yours curve up into a gentle smile as if smiling at someone or something. Oh and the sound! The heavenly sound made by you! I can't describe it; it's as if the Gods have lent their power to you to produce such beauty! All I can do is just lean against the wall and drink in the rich luscious sounds of the piano as I study your figure.  
  
(Ryou) The piano always brought along with it's songs a sense of peace for me, always. After mother had passed away this was the only thing that was left to us that reminded me of her, well other then my features but like I said we have no mirrors. With a sigh I run my fingers through my thick mane of hair and flex my fingers. Father had tried to lock it away but I pried it open after he left, he noticed when he came back but he never says anything about it. I don't think he cares anymore.  
  
"You play well."  
  
Whipping around I see you lounging by the wall, arms crossed and dusky eyes staring at me with your usual sense of dreaminess. I can feel a blush paint my cheeks as I look down at the polished surface of the bench.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"I only state the truth. I hope you don't mind, but your door was open and when I knocked you didn't answer."  
  
Did I not lock the door? Great, I feel incredibly stupid now, how could I forget that?! Oh well, no harm done. Looking up I nod and get up.  
  
"Please sit, would you like some tea?"  
  
You shrug and I take that as a yes. I scurry over to the kitchen and set the kettle to boil. Taking out some fresh fruits I have around I cut them and place them into a spare bowl like a fruit salad. I can't help it if I'm a health nut, after staying with my yami and his raw meat eating habits it tends to turn me away from meat. Letting the scalding water stream into the mugs I add a drop of honey to the murky surface and mix it thoroughly. Balancing it all on a tray I set it on the coffee table, watching you study one of the many pictures that adorn the room. With a small smile you take the mug and sip it quietly.  
  
"I hope you don't mind honey in it."  
  
With an odd smile you just continue to drink it...okay I guess he doesn't mind. Taking my own cup I let the sweetened liquid flow smoothly down my throat.  
  
"When was this?"  
  
I peer over to see the picture he was studying and I can't help but smile. There I am with sweet little Amane and a fish caught in her hands, both of us dripping wet and laughing our head off.  
  
"Awhile ago, it was after mother died. Father was still with us then, anyways we went to the park and Amane wanted to prove that you could catch fishes with your hands and well...she did."  
  
I smile as I remember the day.  
  
//Flashback// "Ryou look at all the fishes!"  
  
"Pretty aren't they?"  
  
"Yeah, let's catch them and show them to daddy!"  
  
"But Mane, you can't catch fishes with your hands!"  
  
"Can too!"  
  
A loud resounding splash echoes throughout the park as both children tumble into the pond with their father hurrying to see if their okay only to find both kids laughing at the fish caught in between Amane's hands, scales flashing in the sun as the father takes out a camera and quickly takes a picture. //End flashback//  
  
I let a small sad laugh bubble from my throat as I remember her smile and more importantly my father's smile. Letting out a little sigh I set my mug down and absentmindedly rub my scar. I do it often; it's like a comforting thing for me. I shake away the thoughts and focus on you for now. I see your dusky eyes studying me intently and suddenly I feel quite exposed for some reason. With a little quirk of the eye brows you take my hand in yours and I can immediately feel the heat rushing to my cheeks. Slowly you turn my hand around so it's palm up and then I start to pull away, but too late. With oddly smooth fingers I can feel you brush across the jagged scar. I shiver slightly and look at my lap.  
  
"When did you do this?"  
  
"When I first got the ring."  
  
With a small sigh you let go and I pull my sleeve over my wrist.  
  
"Why?"  
  
(Malik) I feel scared seeing that pale scar around your wrist, it's so unbefitting. I can see your large orbs staring intently at the floor.  
  
"Well it seemed like the right thing to do then. I was really unhappy because my father was never home, my mother and sister both died, and nobody could care less if I dropped dead."  
  
"What about Bakura?"  
  
A small wry smile tugs at your lips and beautiful eyes have an odd blank quality about them  
  
"I though he was a hallucination. I though I was losing it."  
  
I can feel the cold grips of horror chill me to the bone.  
  
"I still think about it sometimes...I sometimes think about what would of happened if Bakura didn't come in and I died...would I be with my mother and Amane? Or would I be in hell for sinning?"  
  
Impulsively I grab at your wrist and gently cradle it. I can see surprise written on your face.  
  
"If you had died you wouldn't be here, and if you weren't here Marik wouldn't be here, and if Marik wasn't here I wouldn't be here...you know Ryou, you're the one that really pulled Marik into the good side and if Marik wasn't on the good side neither would I...I mean it."  
  
I can see emotion creep into those large heartfelt eyes once more.  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
I let a small smile adorn my face and I gently place a small kiss on your pale milky cheek.  
  
"Never think nobody cares about you because we do and nothing will change that." *************************************************************** ************************************** Fluff! Sorry if it really sucked and sorry for not updating since ever. I'll try to keep this story going as well, so please read and review people! Thanks! Ja until the next chapter, which hopefully won't' be that long away...^_^ 


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